deprecation station!

Once upon a time, I had a job interview today. Any glimmer of opportunity that that statement held this morning was quickly dashed when I realized that where I thought "job interview" I should have been thinking more along the lines of: "standardized test day in 4th fuckin grade." So there I am in the lobby of the staffing agency, laying the mack down on some delicious formal documentation. After filling out the basic stuff, I get to the point in the stack of papers where they start asking me things not commonly found in job applications where an applicant's knowledge of basic things is all but assumed. They start spittin' shit at me like:

The correct definition of "condone" is: 1. Repeat 2. Allow 3. Deep fat-fry 4. Prophylactic

and then:

Circle the incorrect portions of this sentence: "Me and Sally ain't let the dog go inside and don't like no squid? "

And then the 30 math questions, which, if I didn't already feel like a retahhd for filling this sheet out in the first place, then my inability to do them quickly or with confidence definitely did the trick.

I then spent 20 minutes taking tests measuring my abilities in Word, Excel, typing, and not stabbing myself in the temple with a ballpoint pen. The moral of the story is the actual interviewing lasted honestly two minutes and consisted mostly of me signing releases for drug tests, but oh, they are really excited about having me on the team, should any temp work for a non-comatose person arise.