Le Lilliputiafication de Mon Dignitay

Me: "And here's your check, thank you so much!"

Fat Texan: "Thank you son! Hey, are those eyes blue or green?"

Me: "They're usually blue, but you know, it depends on the color of my bow-tie."

Fat Texan: "Oh! Are you on drugs?!"

Me: "Not yet sir!"

Me: "So, is there anything else I can get for you today?"

Old Beast: "No, but now let me ask you something: when do you get to graduate from the bow-tie to the real tie?"

Me: "Well madame, it actually works the other way around; those gentlemen in the 'real ties' are the bus boys."

Old Beast: "Oh! Well in that case, congratulations!"

Me: "Well thank you! I tied it myself!"

Old Beast: "I'll have some more decaf. And you can take these plates away."