oh how i flatter myself

So last night I was at work right? Yes, right. And among the comers and goers of patronage was a strangely-matched couple of diners. The man: in his late fifties, driving cherry Jaguar, weird. The gal: in her earlier twenties, wearing Sketchers, permed.

We spotted them after they had finished their dinner. They walked out the front door to explain to me and my colleague of carparkology that they were going to go take some pictures in the garden, and would come back to get their car in a few minutes.

At this point, I turned to my homie and said "So, do you think that's his daughter or his girlfriend?" Homie responded, "Jamie, I think that's his prostitute."

This was subtly confirmed by our observation of their photo-sesh in the garden. When most people do this, they have their picture taken standing together by asking the waitstaff or yours truly to photograf. In this case, the man was taking snap shots of the girl all alone. Furthermore, most people don't take pictures of their daughter, or even girlfriend, while she holds plant branches in suggestive positions over her chest, or posed with her backside to the camera while petting the restaurant's cat.

As weird as that was to witness, upon their return the chips of weirdness were really splashed on the pot. The suspected woman of the night came up to me first and said, while staring intently, "So, are you, like, American?"
"Yes, yes I am."
"Huh, that's so uncommon to find here."
"Uh, in America? I guess so."

Then I proceeded to try to get their keys out the key cabinet, asking her politely if she could move so I could do so. She did this weird sort of shifting weight and twisting her hair thing, and barely moved, so I was forced to awkwardly reach around her. Creepy. And lonstorshor, she proceed to try to talk to me before and after I retrieved the Jag, bringing the creep levels to new highs.

Feeling a need to vent about this bizarre incident, I text-messaged Pete: "Just got hit-on by a prostitute, what up wit you?" To which I received no response, until I awoke this morning and read a note he left for me that ended like this: