Wednesday, October 04, 2006

events of yesterday: a short play

Pavel,
I recently lost my license, but I might get a new one soon. Do you still need me to come tomorrow?
~Jamie


Voicemail Lady: "First Message, received Tuesday at 5:45AM-"
"Hey Pavel, it's Jamie. Sorry to call so early, I just wanted to reiterate that I do not have a license, so I cannot drive today. It just occurred to me this morning that maybe that's why you wanted me to come with you to get the trucks at 6:45 in the morning, but I'll be on my way anyway, so call if you don't need me. Thanks"


Doofus film-geek intern: "Yo Pavel, this kid can't drive."
Pavel: "What? Oh yeah, Jamie I got your message. Are you sure about that? Like, you don't think it would be ok?"
Jamie: "I'm sorry, I just don't think it's smart to drive a large moving truck across the George Washington Bridge at rush hour, and just hope I don't get pulled over."
Pavel: "Ok, well you can just drive the driver drop-off car back here, you won't get pulled over."
Jamie the wuss: "I really don't feel comfortable with this, but I guess I'll do it."


Cop walking beat on West 30th Street: "Sir! Yeah, you! Pull over right here!"
Jamie: "Oh crap."
Cop: "Sir, we observed you here in traffic on your cell phone. Give me you license and registration."
Jamie, breathing heavily, sweating: "Ok, I don't have those."
Cop: "What do you mean you don't have them? You don't have a license?"
Jamie, tears brimming: "No, I lost it. I didn't even want to drive, but these people I am interning for made me, and I was just talking to him on the phone about the parking spot he has for me on the next block. I'm really sorry."

Cop, angrier: "When was this you lost it? Why didn't you get a new one?"
Jamie, losing feeling in limbs: "Well I lost it, uh like two months ago, but then I thought my brother found it, but then [trails off in mumbles.]"
Cop, gettin' sassy: "So this is your passport? You just carry this around?"
Jamie, resigned to fate of paddy wagon: "Yea, I guess so."
Cop, trying to sound pissed-off and cover up his being Jesus reincarnate: "Listen, go to the DMV, it will take you five minutes. Get a temporary ID card. Now pullback and get the hell out of here."
Jamie, blown away: "Thank you..sir, uh offisker."


Pavel: "Yo! Where were you?"
Jamie: "I got pulled over."
Pavel: "Oh shit duuude. Why?"
Jamie: "Because I was talking to you on the phone. I should have been arrested."
Pavel: "Oh man....Ok well go get some quarters for the meter, then make copies of these keys and contracts, then have an awkward interaction in the elevator because one of the film's actors thinks you were checking out his girlfriend, and then put up no parking fliers for tomorrow's shoot, and then never come back to this unpaid internship again because the first day was horrible and all the people in the company are jerks to you."

1 comments:

Anonymous said...

DONKEY PUNCH!!!!!!!!!!