come git yer shaud 'n freude!

This past weekend I returned to the glorious green mounts of vermont for some graduation celebration and all-around shin-diggery. A great time was had by most, though that's not the point. What I mean to say is, the whole thing made me freakin sad.

Now I'm back in new york stinkin' city, and somehow I am thoroughly missing those vermont for life-in', broomballin', vermont forward and back takin', champ-spottin', volvo/subaru/saab drivin', outdoor gear wearin', freshnetwork-sustainable-organic-veggie only-eatin' hippies, hillbillies, hipsters, hip-yups, and the whole rest of those wacky weirdos who love them some freakouts on church street. I love those crazy coagulated gravy hotdog bun bastards living up there, and truly they are ones in a millions.



And so I'm thinking that maybe I should take my tax-hiking, government-expanding, latte-drinking, sushi-eating, Volvo-driving, New York Times-reading, Hollywood-loving, left-wing freak show back to Vermont, where it belongs.

Note: end portions of this post may have been taken from a HoDean attack-ad from the glorious Club for Growth Political Action Committee, die-hard supporters of Git r Dun Bush.

--> Read more...

remember halloween? i didn't have a blog then.

So here's my Halloween costume from this past year. It's pretty obvious that I was Jerry Seinfeld. Pretty awes, and I got mad compliments on the getup too, like: "Ohh yea...hmm, I like it..very subtle." and "You just look like someone wearing nerd clothes, gimme a fuckin junior mint." and "Wow, it looks like you just sprinted away from a party because you are returning the tap that your friends drunkenly borrowed for half and hour and then during the get-away you tripped and fell in a pile of dog poo!" It was a glorious all hallow's eve, so full of sweet, sweet memories, and isn't it true that in the end, it's those memories that we will really cherish in our hearts?

--> Read more...

Challah at Ya Homeboy

Otherly, last week I'm riding my bike in Brooknaahn and I'm all weaving through traffic and the whatdywhat, and I take a left when I had a red light. There were no cars coming so I was like whateves I scoff the law.

Anyway, this crazy lady on the sidewalk starts screaming at me. "What the fuck you think you doin'? You mistake-makin' mothafucka! You gonna get hit! What the fuck?? What the fuck you smilin at!? Fuck you!! Come back here mothafucka!"





Needless to say, I was sort of taken-aback by the whole episode and wondered if I really am just a "mistake-makin mothafucka." I do make a lot of mistakes, so maybe she had a valid point there. But then I remembered how crazy she looked and sounded with her crazy outfit and crazy screams, so I figured I would just write her off as a crazy woman and go on with my life using this for a little affirmation of my own mad propah normalcy.



Say what, say down. You gotsa check my new favorite website, seriously it's amazing. Check it: http://www.skunks.org/

--> Read more...

No More Monday Mornings Cause I Just Quit My Job

It's true. As of like 3:15 today, I am on the road to retirement. I just have to finish out the month here, and then I'm dunzo. Quitting this job wasn't such a big deal, but it's not like I was walking out on a job at chuckie cheese's because the mouse costume was chaffing my acne. What I mean is that basically I'm quitting a sort of well-paying position simply because I was unhappy there and now I am gonna do something mad sweetah.

At any rate, now I am free to resume my life as a dorito-eating tv-watcher, which is sure to descend into a slough of despondency when I realize I am a waste of life. I'll see you on the couch.

--> Read more...

I am going on a trip to Europe and Northern Africa! Here is my itinerary if anyone is interested and wants to know where I will be this summer. This itinerary has be made using photographs of monkeys dressed in funny people clothes.

First I'm going to Morocco from June 6th to around June 18th:










Moroccan Monkey donning a fez, traditional Moroccan head wear. Pretty funny.


Then I'll be in Spain from around the 18th to the 23rd:






Spanish Monkey wearing sort of a Mexican outfit, but to be honest the Spanish really don't have traditional clothing at all, much less funny clothing. Mostly they wear jeans and t-shirts, mostly. Anyway, they wish they had this funny Mexican style.


Then I'm going to England for a few days (June 23rd to 26th):











Weak English Monkey (it's a stuffed animal.) Also weak English garb, but the point is that they have a powerless monarchy that wears crowns. Crowns are sort of funny if you think about it.


And then to Turkey from June 26th to July 12th:


























Turkish guy with Turkish Monkey. Great monkey outfit. Turkey is apparently a gold mine for monkeys dressed in funny people clothes. Barrels of laughs guaranteed. Can't wait.

So that's it, my trip. I pobably will abandon this blog forever once I leave cause then I won't be bored enough anymore. Wish me luck, cause I wished it for you.

--> Read more...

It has been brought to my attention that generally one's creation of a blog is based upon their own assumption that "people are interested in your personal musings." Das some bullsh, on account of the fact that this blog is almost entirely retarded crap that I am only writing because I am bored. Please do not say "hmm this blog really makes you think" or "that Jamie, he really thinks outside of the box; changed my whole perspective on shit." cause it dont do dat.

--> Read more...

Depression

Sometimes you feel sad about yourself, and you want to make sure everyone knows you feel sad, and so you put on your favorite heavy, over-sized sweater that you wore in middle school with nothing underneath it; and you take a picture of yourself looking pensive and sad. Then you remember that on Friday you are handing in a letter of resignation and will only have to stay in this crappy job for another two weeks at the most!

But then you are still sad because you are still sitting in that damned cubicle and have a lot of work to do that you really don't want to do. But then you remember that you found an inspirational book when you were at the transfer station with your dad in Connecticut. You look at it's cover and read it's teenage girl life-lessons and you just feel like everything is going to be allllll riiiight.

--> Read more...

Stinko de Moustache!

Yo bigups, check the cube:

So propah and nice, eh? Answer: yes.

As you can see it is beautifully adorned with the numerous lists and memos that flutter through my dreams at night like doves in a peach orchard. Unfortunately, the photo hides the more entertaining portions of the cube, but you can see the remnants of the fort that I built yesterday out of files that I ordered from the fileroom for the sole purpose of fort building.

I hope this gives the two people who know about this blog a better idea of what my workplace looks like.

--> Read more...

I am Such an Idiot!

So today I go to move my car again and the Swedish piece of crap has a ticket on it. That's because I'm such an idiot that yesterday I moved it from the correct side of the street to the wrong side. All of the stress of yesterday's freak-out and today's ticket fiasco could have been avoided were I not a complete idiot.

--> Read more...

This is What Happened to Me this Morning!

Today I walked out the house to see my car was the only one parked on the near side of the street. Of course I had forgotten to move last night, because that's what I do. I am supposed to do stuff, and I forget to do that stuff.

Anyway, so I go back into the apartment to get the keys, and I tried to ignore the fact that I woke up about an hour too late and smelled like a horse due to lack of bathing. Back at the car, I turned the key in the ignition and nothing happend. I proceed to slam my head against the steering wheel in a fit of pure rage.

I sat there for a couple of mintues sulking and deciding whether to leave the car there or shoot myself in the face. Then I noticed that the car was left in drive by my brother Pete when he last drove it, and the car only starts when it's in park.

I drove away and parked my car on what google murder maps shows as a hot bed of killin's. What did I learn from this escapade? Nothing, I learned nothing.

--> Read more...

Day One

I never thought I would be the blogging type, but here I am. This is mainly motivated by the boredom I am forced to endure during my daily imprisonment at work. Though it seems like the majority of people dislike or are bored by their jobs, I would argue that mine is one of the worst in those respects. So I begin. Lunchtime, gotta go.

~Jamie

--> Read more...